How to Get Your Team to Open Up… It Starts and Ends with Trust
I learned a number of great lessons from my mentor, retired ex-partner, and founder of American Retail Supply; Dick Thompson. One of the best was, “When you point your finger at someone, three fingers are pointing back at you.”
As I share this story with you, please understand that 3 fingers are pointing back at me. This was one of my biggest failures as the president of our company. In hindsight, I should have done a much better job making sure this manager understood and truly bought into the Make-You-Happy Management System and its reliance on team member participation.
Middle management can be a particular challenge with the Make-You-Happy Management System, especially when that manager has previously managed in a business that does not practice Z-theory management (participative management). It can really be a challenge when the middle manager has previously leaned towards X Theory (authoritarian management).
It’s critical that your middle managers understand and buy into Z-Theory Management when you use The Make-You-Happy Management System.
When I owned American Retail Supply, our headquarters were in Kent, Washington, and we had distribution and sales offices in Denver, Dallas, and Honolulu. One of our division managers asked me this question, “When facilitating a MAT, how do you get the ball rolling when you’re just staring at blank faces? I just sometimes feel like people have enough energy to complain, but are unwilling to use their energy to help solve the problem or think of a positive/better solution.”
When he sent me this email, he had been with us for almost a year. I had been working with him on this and other, similar issues and I knew what the problem was.
I would normally not put this type of answer in an email, but I wasn’t making much progress and I thought it was time to put our previous discussions in writing. Maybe that would get through. Here’s my answer: “The problem you express above is a symptom, not the disease. The disease is they don’t believe you’re sincere when you tell them you want their input. In other words, they don’t trust you.
Think back to us talking at the show in Las Vegas. You said that you do this to show you’re decisive, or you do that to show that you’re understanding or fair.
That’s when we talked about a silly management philosophy that says that a new manager should come in strong and tough and you can then back off after you get respect. That’s what I perceived that you were thinking and doing when you started managing.
I told you that was a bad idea. A good manager should come in and be appropriate and fair to show that you are appropriate and fair. Once you get their trust and show them that you really want to listen and be their coach, cheerleader, facilitator and nurturer of champions and not a cop, devils advocate, pronouncer and nay-sayer they will open up.
If they don’t open up, it’s because they don’t trust you. They don’t see you as a coach, cheerleader, facilitator and nurturer of champions. People open up to coaches, cheerleaders, facilitators and nurturers of champions. They don’t open up to cops, devil’s advocates, pronouncers and nay-sayers.
As we’ve continued to talk since Las Vegas I still hear you saying that you said this to show you’re decisive, or you do that to show that you’re understanding or fair. That’s being manipulative – not being a coach, cheerleader, facilitator and nurturer of champions.
Again, you need to do what is right and appropriate because it is right and appropriate – not to be decisive, or strong or anything else.
Ask yourself this question, what have you done consistently with each and every person in your division to show that you are a coach, cheerleader, facilitator and nurturer of champions? It is absolutely critical that you think of this from their point of view and not from the “I do this to show I’m that” point of view.
My first suggestion is to look in the index of the Team Handbook in the Make-You-Happy Management System under “meeting tools and techniques – warm-ups”. There are ideas in there to get involvement.
Again, that’s going to be tough because if they don’t trust you they’ll just see that as a way to manipulate them. I would still try it.
Ask them what things they think need to be improved, or what problems they have with getting their jobs done efficiently and effectively.
If you’re still getting nowhere try this. Say, “In Kent they answer the phone the same way every time.
- Greeting – “Thanks for calling”
- Identification – “American Retail Supply”
- What you can do for them – “How may I direct your call?”
They developed their greeting in Kent from watching a DVD by “The Telephone Doctor” who says, there are two reasons to have a greeting before you identify the company.
- Often the person calling isn’t ready to listen right away
- Sometimes when we answer the phone we start talking before we have the receiver all the way to our mouth
Keith asked us to come up with a similar greeting for us. He also said when he calls he sometimes doesn’t know who he’s talking with and it would be good to hear your name in the greeting.
So, with that in mind, he asked us to come up with a greeting that would be the model for answering the phone in each division where we don’t have a dedicated receptionist to say “How may I direct your call?”
How should we answer the phone to include:
- Greeting
- Identification of the company and the individual
- What you can do for them
- If no one answers say, Bill, what do you think? Then come up with a greeting everyone can agree on and implement it.
Here’s one I would love to see you discuss, “I want to come up with a dress code that everyone thinks is fair and appropriate for the job. Who would like to help with this”? This is what I suggested that you do right after you got flaked on the dress code you implemented without getting the team involved.
You decided that would show weakness. I think it shows just the opposite, that you know you’re not perfect and you’re confident enough to admit it when you make a mistake.
Click here https://keithlee.com/freedom-for-business-owners to discover how to manage your entire team in one hour a week so you can spend your time on the important things in your business.